When Food Felt Like the Enemy

There was a time in my life when food felt more like a burden than a blessing. I remember even saying to my mum, with all the certainty of a tired child, “everything in this world would be good if there was no food".

As a child, I barely had an appetite. I would push food around my plate for hours, fall asleep mid-bite, live with constant stomach pains and sometimes even flush food down the toilet because I was just too scared to come home with leftovers. My mum would often tell others that I just move food around my plate without actually eating it. At one point, she even had my horoscope checked, and they told her I had apala (a period of bad luck) until I turned thirteen - saying I’d remain extremely skinny until then. But I stayed skinny long after that, not because of fate, but because I never felt peaceful enough to eat. Most dinner times were noisy, chaotic, and unpredictable. In that atmosphere, it felt like food didn't stand a chance.

Looking back now, I understand my body wasn’t rejecting nourishment - it was reacting to the energy around it. I came to learn, much later, that our nervous systems remember everything, even what our minds can’t yet explain.

And, to be honest, some food didn’t help much either. Take chickpeas for example - growing up, they were always served plain - boiled and bland with barely any flavor, so bland that I once promised myself as a kid, “When I become an adult, I’m never eating chickpeas again”. I smile at that memory now - because life, with its quiet sense of humour, eventually led me to break that promise...

The Pain I Couldn’t Explain

Most mornings started the same: I'd have breakfast, a glass of milk, and soon after, find myself running upstairs to be sick. Vomiting and stomach aches became so normal that I stopped questioning them. Once, the pain was so unbearable, I was taken to hospital, only to be told to drink more water.

Looking back, I realise how often our bodies speak to us long before we learn how to truly listen.

The Realisation: Food Has Faces

One memory that stayed with me since childhood was at a farm café in Sri Lanka. I noticed “rabbit” on the menu and asked if we could get one, thinking it meant a pet. My dad explained it was for eating, which left me in complete shock. My sister then added, “you already eat animals: beef is cow, chicken is hen, pork is pig…”

That moment opened my eyes. I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Years later, in 2013, while my family and I were having dinner, I saw on the news that a monk self-immolated in protest of the meat industry. The image plastered itself in my memory (he was walking around in flames, and it looked like something out of a movie). Sitting there with a bowl of beef noodles in front of me, I felt a deep sense of guilt and sadness. His act of compassion and conviction touched something within me that words couldn’t quite explain. It was as though a seed had been planted - one that would eventually grow into a deeper understanding of empathy, awareness, and the power of choice.

The Turning Point

At 18, I saw slaughterhouse footage for the first time - a cow being tormented before her throat was slit open. I couldn’t sleep that night. Something inside me broke open, and with that came a quiet promise: I would never again be part of that suffering.

Around that time, my partner had also discovered Phillip Wollen’s debate, “Animals Should Be Off the Menu”. Together, we started our vegetarian journey.

But as we learned more, new layers of truth unfolded. We began to see the hidden realities behind the dairy and egg industries.

This invited us to look deeper at our own choices. We realised that even as vegetarians, we were still unknowingly participating in systems that viewed animals as objects for consumption. And that didn’t align with the compassion we wanted to live by.

Up until then, I didn't even know what veganism truly meant. I thought it was just a “fancier” word for vegetarianism.
But in that moment, I understood vegetarianism wasn’t the end - it was just the beginning of a deeper journey.

The first shift I made was swapping dairy milk for plant milk. It seemed small, but the change was profound. Almost immediately, my body responded. Suddenly the vomiting stopped, my stomach pains disappeared, my skin cleared, and even my singing voice felt freer.

Years later, a medical test confirmed what my body had been trying to tell me all along: I was lactose intolerant. Suddenly, all those years of unexplained pain made sense. It wasn’t only an ethical choice anymore - it was also my body’s path to healing.

From Vegetarian to Vegan

In 2019, when my partner and I moved to Australia, we had the space and freedom to fully transition to veganism. In the beginning, we did what most students do: we reached for convenience. Our meals often revolved around plant-based schnitzels, sausages, and patties - easy, affordable, and comforting. But when COVID hit in 2020, we had the time and space to dive deeper.

We leaned into whole-food, plant-based living- whole grains, legumes, nuts, seeds, a variety of potatoes and fresh produce (fruits and vegetables) - simple, nourishing, and transformative.

Food Became Healing

As I trained and ate more whole foods, my body changed. I went from being under-fuelled at 43kg to a much healthier 65kg, and most of that was lean muscle. My skin started to glow, my nails strengthened, my hair grew a lot faster, and I haven't had acne since. More than that, I had energy and I felt happier, lighter, and more alive. Food was no longer the enemy - it was the very thing fueling my healing.

Rediscovering the Kitchen

Going vegan also encouraged us to experiment in the kitchen. We explored new spices, herbs, and recipes we’d have never attempted before. Our taste buds changed - we stopped craving processed food, and when we occasionally did eat it out of convenience, we noticed the dip in our mood and energy right away.

Ironically, this adventure brought chickpeas back into my life in the best way possible. With the right mix of spices and creativity, they went from the food I swore I’d never touch again to one of my favorite curries.

The kitchen became a place of joy, not dread. A place to create, to experiment, to connect.

Six Years Later

It’s been six years since going vegan, and while I feel more aligned - physically, mentally, and spiritually, I'm still learning, listening, and making tweaks along the way. What started as a personal journey of alignment grew into something much bigger. This path opened our eyes to question conventions, to live with more awareness, and to align our actions with our values.

If you’re curious, I gently invite you to notice how food makes you feel. Explore, experiment, and see what shifts.

Because for me, food is no longer the enemy - it’s love, healing, and connection on a plate.
Looking back, I can hardly believe I ever said I wished food didn’t exist - because now, I truly live to eat. Food means everything to me.